Comments on: How to write about your life (without upsetting friends and family)

By: Iain Broome

Iain Broome — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 12:30:00 +0000

It’s inevitable that real life creeps into your fiction, but it’s also
important to make sure your wellbeing and that of people you care about
comes first.

By: Jasmin Nanda

Jasmin Nanda — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 18:41:00 +0000

Thanks for a nice article. I is tricky-people you know, do sneak into your works, but keeping them anon and drawing a remote inspiration works..I write about myself, but very cautiously

By: The gold digger

The gold digger — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 17:24:50 +0000

I probably have to wait until my husband’s parents are dead to publish my book. (Yeah, that’s what’s keeping me from doing it!) My husband wants me to publish now so it will be a bestseller and he can quit working. I tell him I am perfectly happy to have his parents disown him and never talk to us again, which is what would happen if they ever read a word of what I write about them.

They threatened not to come to our wedding based on something I wrote in the blog they knew about – my new one is secret. I am perfectly willing to alienate them for all eternity. But it’s not my decision.

By: Critiquing etiquette: six ways to provide gracious feedback | Write for Your Life

Thu, 05 Aug 2010 00:06:35 +0000

[...] if you accidentally say something hurtful? Or you derail someone’s creativity or confidence with a misunderstood comment? What if they stop [...]

By: Iain Broome

Iain Broome — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 16:09:55 +0000

@Kellie Hello and welcome!

You’re absolutely right, it can be a real fine line to tread. I know for a fact that if/when my novel is published I’m going to have to have a quiet word with someone I know. Not because they’re in the book, but because they won’t be expecting any swearing or appreciate the vicar in the football socks. But I couldn’t leave those things out.

I think the issue comes primarily when the story reflects real life or is clearly based on a friend or family member. It’s when it gets personal that potential problems really need pre-empting!

By: Kellie

Kellie — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:45:53 +0000

Nice post. It’s a topic I struggle with often. There are a number of writers/artists for whom the art is the thing and therefore the rest of the world can go to hell. I think that sounds like a lonely existence. Also a callous and egocentric one.

But taken to a less extreme place, there are the topics that we’re drawn to write about in which not everyone is always at their best. And while it’s one thing to reveal your own self as ugly or hateful or negative, it’s quite another to show someone else that way. Yet some non-fiction stories — even those in which the writer is the protagonist –can’t be told without all characters — and character flaws — involved.

I dunno. I was just yesterday posting a rant about lying in nonfiction (my opinion: don’t), but the difficulty of telling the truth is that the truth can be sharp and cutting. Finding a way to tell the truth from an angle that accurately represents a subject without stabbing someone else along the way — it can be tough. I’m still searching for a way to do it.

Thanks for the post.

By: dirtywhitecandy

dirtywhitecandy — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 22:05:00 +0000

I’ve had the opposite happen to me. A friend told me he adored my first novel – which was a bit puzzling as it was teen gothic romance and he was a 25-year-old English graduate! Still, I basked proudly in what I thought was confirmation that my writing prowess could transcend genres and reader types. Turned out he only enjoyed the book because he thought the central, evil character was someone we knew at college. It wasn’t, but there was no way he was believing my explanation. fortunately he wasn’t on speaking terms with her so he wasn’t able to give her the good news in person.

So your friends who want to believe you write about them will believe that no matter what you say. If people who you have shared part of your life with read your book they’ll almost expect it! So you might as well publish and be damned.

By: Helia Phoenix

Helia Phoenix — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 09:23:47 +0000

I’ve been meaning to read this post for ages – some good advice, especially in the comments! Often when I’ve been writing things I’ve been asked by people “am I in it?” and I’ve always said no – I usually use situations people have been in and things they’ve done and spread them out between a number of different characters. Exciting things happen in real life, after all, and documenting them and turning them into fiction is an exciting process.

I don’t think you can help but be influenced by things that happen around you – the people around you and their lives.

But what do you do if you’ve been writing something and then discover it has an uncanny resemblance to another book, or TV show, or film? I know Barthes said everything is influenced by something and whatever we write is just layers … but what do you do?

By: carla

carla — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 05:05:36 +0000

I have a personal blog, but I rarely write about anyone in my life that would raise eyebrows. I am pretty vague when writing about someone else. Besides, no one I mention would ever see my blog or even know what blog is!

By: Iain

Iain — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:09:13 +0000

@Jean Ah yes, there’s always those people who you’ll upset if you write about them, but get angry if you don’t. We can’t win, eh?

@Kelly You’re right, I think. Sometimes, you do need to reveal yourself in your writing to make a real impact. I guess the skill is in deciding when and where that happens. Good luck with the multiblogging!

@Jude As with all these things, we all have our own ways of doing things and your experience does sound rather troubling. I guess I’d argue that the problem there lies with your friend’s outlook rather than your decision to ask her permission.

Personally, I think that my copywriting has encouraged me to always pursue permission for things, because professionally, I have to. It’s perhaps one of those points where my two writing lives cross over.

Hmm, interesting. Thanks for the comment Jude, as always.

@Tumblemoose Many thanks for your kind words, your support is hugely appreciated!